Forever and Always. Why Waiting Forever is Good Before Committing to Always.

Marriage. It is such a glorified partnership for so many of the right reasons, but that has made us unaware of the challenges and mistakes that we fall to often for leading to divorce. To be loved by one and in the hopes for only one in our life is one of the greatest commitments we will ever make. And it is only in our nature to want to feel loved, cared for, and to be acknowledged as important. However, I have seen too many rush into it too fast. Particularly those who value saving sex for marriage and that co-habitation should not be part of the dating process, and that marriage is a religious covenant.

          Let me tell you of an experience that I have seen. In a particular area I have lived this is a common theme where marriage is highly valued. It is part of salvation because we learn to love another person for eternity and create a family that will last even beyond this life. Although it is a minority of people who have these values and do this, it is common to hear stories, and know of people who have gotten engaged within 3 months and married in 6 months. To further emphasize the quickness of marriages I’ll let you know that I have even known of a couple who by the end of the week were engaged.

 It often follows a pattern that a couple will date, pray about this decision, and then feel like they are dating the right person to marry. I have seen couples do this and have successful marriages and I have had no doubt that they were right for each other. However, time and time again, Marriage and Family researchers have argued that it takes at least 3 months to begin to know someone. Now I don’t think that these prayers are done without the right intentions and earnestly to get the right answer but I do think too many have been stuck in the honeymoon phase that they can’t see any reasons why it would be healthy to wait it out. Just as I have heard many stories of people getting married I have also heard many stories of people as young as 21 getting divorced already. At that young of an age to be getting divorced, it is worth taking the time to get to know someone. Especially if you are hoping for a marriage that will last a lifetime and for eternities. God may urge us to make this covenant of marriage, and for many secular reasons that marriage is wise, we should take cautious in deciding who we marry and if we are ready for marriage.

Marriage is an institution between two people that will face accommodating their whole life to fit around the other. That should mean sharing a home together, doing the big and little things together, and creating a family to raise. There will be great moments but there will be equally horrible moments as well. You will fight and hate each other’s guts. But a successful marriage will be resilient and work through these issues. That may mean forgiving your spouse who will seem as the greatest enemy.

Before you get married you need to ask deeply if this is the person you can face your greatest trials with. Ask yourself if they are someone you can depend on and who makes you want to be a better person.  Do they uphold your values and standards? Are they looking for a lifelong partner or someone to fill their insecurities? Ask yourself these things now, so that one day you won’t be asking why you are getting a divorce.