Parenting

I remember as a teen, absolutely despising my parents. I and my mom would argue every other day and it seemed like things were never going to get better. However, things took a turn when I entered college. I began seeing things as she did, yearning for the foods she made, and missing her presence. During this time apart I realized that although we really had major differences she had done a great job at being my mother. As I took this week to reflect further and study the roles of parents I’ve realized that parents are some of the best blessings in the world, but because of their position and power as parents there can be many mistakes made. I want to share with you tips that you can take to reflect on to look at how your own parents did at parenting and ways you can be a better parent when the time comes.

The first tip is to understand the mind of a child. My mom was a great example of tending to the children’s needs. I remember her being so playful with the grandkids and the perfect way she knew how to discipline them with the right amount of punishment. I know she had balanced being strict and still kind in disciplining right because she was firm but the children still loved her so much afterward. They would always cling onto her and loved having her attention. I think what made the difference is that she understood that children didn’t exactly mean what their actions showed. As such if a child would not listen after constant nagging to try to get him what we needed him to do, she would cradle them and comfort them. Then when she would ask them to do the same task as asked of before and they would happily oblige and listen to her. I think this is because she understood that at that moment they were not feeling loved and appreciated as part of the family. However, through her comfort and she showed that she did love them and that they were more than just a person to boss around. They felt acknowledged and that their contribution was important even though they did not fully understand why they had to do what they were told to do.

A second tip I suggest is to role model for your children what they should do in difficult situations. This is a lot harder to do than to say but I know it will be easier if we keep this thought in mind continuously throughout the day. When our children face difficult situations they are most likely to follow after the actions they see their parents make. I can see this in how I respond to events in my life and how it correlates to my experience as a child. With my parents when something wasn’t done right they would get frustrated easily, criticize the child with a breath under the comment, and then move on to do the task themselves. I catch myself doing this in the work world and trying to work with others. Now I am not blaming my parents for my actions but it was definitely bad behavior I mimicked from my parents to deal with frustrating issues.

The last tip I would give is to be firm parents in letting them know that you are their parents to guide them through life. This will help them know who to turn to in times of trouble and show this behavior in learning to trust others. I did not always get what I wanted because my parents were firm in teaching me the values they thought were important. Now as I see them relax on teaching these same values to the last end of the kids in the family, these kids don’t appreciate the same things that I and my older siblings did that helped me to prepare for living on my own.

Overall, I think there are many things that can go right and wrong in parenting and we will always make mistakes. However, that doesn’t mean that the values and messages we are trying to give will never go through to our kids. They will look back some day and realized what it was that we are trying to do and thank us for it.